comicobservations

I recently got married, for the 4th time and already my new wife has a restraining order against me. I’m not allowed within 100 feet of  the kitchen. And all I did was set fire to a few dishtowels, and a pair of curtains, but hell, it was only one wall. I’m not much of a cook. Even with that I promised my new wife I’d do something for her I never did for any of my ex’s. I know your all thinking remain faithful right. No, I promised I’d go clothes shopping with her.

And there I was  left alone in the lingerie department because that’s where they put the women’s dressing rooms, surrounded by mannequins with nice figures and their faces weren’t bad either, all dressed in nothing but bras and panties. You don’t know what to do with your eyes, if you look at them people will think your a pervert, so you let your eyes wander. And then you think no, you can’t do that. The other women because you seem to be the only man in the store will think your looking at them looking at underwear. So you just want to go up to them and tell them you’re not a pervert, you’re just waiting for your wife while she tries on pants because she put on a few pounds after the honeymoon. But no, you can’t say that they’ll tell your wife. Just then your wife comes out and asks, “do these pants make me look fat? ” And you’r about to answer when you think of being left alone surrounded by half naked dummies and the mannequin’s too when you say,  looks to me like you’ve been overdrawn at the food bank a few times.

I got my divorce papers today.         

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